When I was small, I loved to sit on my grandfather (Tok Bob)'s lap and watch TV. Sometimes he would point out what was in real world; deaths, wars, car accidents and what was not. For instance; the talking cat.
"Isy isy isy, mane ade kucing boleh bercakap...that's nonsense.."
My mama passed away when I was very young. Tok Bob took over the role since then.
Whenever I asked: "Mama gi mane Tok Bob?", he would sit down and make up stories about it. Mostly, it was about some angels who have invited my mum for a visit...or something like that. Sometimes, we held our moments by turning pages from the old picture albums.
I was concerned, of course. The idea of death was a big thing for a 9-year-old to get a handle on. I did love the way he made up bunch of stories so I would not be sad.
One day, I asked one of my teachers at school (Puan Zabedah) about what happens to people like Mama. I was in standard 3; 3 Bestari, formerly known as 3 Biru.
She explained. When a person dies, only the body dies. Another part; called the spirit survives. We do not know that for sure. But if we believe something deep inside even though we cannot prove it, that is called FAITH. She made me believe that Mama is still around though.
Yup, I have to admit that she produced amazement and an inquiry which lasted the whole year. ;p
Abah told me that people who are not with us at the moment...sort of hang around with us for as long as we remember them. He always reminds my brothers and I to remember Mama all the time.
See, I have quite an overflowing ideas of death when I was young. It's the memory which keeps me company most of the time. Creepy? Nope. It's sanity.
Living with quite a number of unexpected deaths around makes me...somberly depressed at times. I hate looking at how people react towards me. I hate the saying; "Kesiannye, kecik-kecik dah takde mak..." I hate that. I don't need their pity. Honestly...because I had Tok Bob!
Today, Tok Bob is no longer around. I cannot hear his animated voices anymore. I cannot hear his shouting; "Faez, Mad, Haikal..Mari makan!" I cannot feel the warmth he used to spread around the house anymore. I cannot taste the secret fish curry recipe anymore. I have nobody who would share his life experience and to tell me a story or two anymore. Above all, I have nobody who would make up stories and jokes about death anymore...because he had left me forever.
I miss him a lot. Aku rindu sangat-sangat kat arwah Tok Bob. At this point, I really can't afford of losing someone very special. Why? Because I am not good in making up stories to those who may ask afterward...
P/s - To those who have lost their special ones, please remember them. The memory is sweet and needs to be passed on...as long as we live. It's how we make them live around us.
Al-Fatihah to those we lost and we dearly loved.
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6 hours ago